One of the most powerful tools in an engineering manager’s toolkit is the humble 1-on-1 meeting. When done right, these regular check-ins can transform team dynamics, boost productivity, and create an environment where engineers feel heard and supported. When done poorly, they become a waste of time that both parties dread.
Why 1-on-1s Matter
In the fast-paced world of software development, it’s easy to get caught up in sprint planning, code reviews, and technical discussions. But the human element—understanding your team members’ motivations, challenges, and career aspirations—is what separates good teams from great ones.
1-on-1 meetings provide a dedicated space for these conversations. They’re not about status updates (that’s what standups are for) or technical problem-solving (that’s what design reviews are for). They’re about building relationships, understanding context, and providing support.
The Structure That Works
After years of trial and error, I’ve found that the most effective 1-on-1s follow a simple but consistent structure:
1. Personal Check-in (5-10 minutes)
Start with the human stuff. How are they doing? What’s happening in their life? This isn’t small talk—it’s relationship building. When you know someone’s child is sick or they’re moving to a new apartment, you can better understand their current capacity and provide appropriate support.
2. Work Discussion (15-20 minutes)
This is where you dive into their current work, challenges, and opportunities. Focus on:
- What’s going well?
- What obstacles are they facing?
- What support do they need from you?
- What are their career goals and how can you help?
3. Action Items (5 minutes)
End with clear next steps. What will you do? What will they do? When will you follow up?
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Mistake 1: Making it a Status Update
If your 1-on-1s feel like you’re just checking boxes, you’re doing it wrong. Status updates belong in standups or project management tools. Use 1-on-1s for deeper conversations.
Mistake 2: Talking Too Much
The best 1-on-1s are 80% listening, 20% talking. Your job is to ask good questions and create space for your team member to share. If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re missing the point.
Mistake 3: Being Inconsistent
Nothing kills the value of 1-on-1s faster than canceling them frequently or showing up unprepared. Treat these meetings as sacred time that you never skip.
Mistake 4: Focusing Only on Problems
While it’s important to address challenges, don’t forget to celebrate wins and discuss growth opportunities. People need to feel recognized and see a path forward.
Questions That Drive Great Conversations
The quality of your 1-on-1s depends largely on the questions you ask. Here are some that consistently lead to valuable insights:
- “What’s the most challenging part of your current project?”
- “If you could change one thing about how we work, what would it be?”
- “What would make you excited to come to work tomorrow?”
- “What’s something you’ve learned recently that you’re excited about?”
- “How can I better support you in your role?”
Frequency and Duration
I’ve experimented with different cadences and found that weekly 30-minute meetings work best for most team members. This gives enough frequency to maintain momentum while providing enough time for meaningful conversation.
For senior engineers who are more self-directed, bi-weekly meetings might be sufficient. For new team members or those going through challenging periods, you might need more frequent check-ins.
The Follow-up Factor
The real magic happens between 1-on-1s. If you discuss an action item but never follow up, you’re signaling that these conversations don’t matter. Take notes during your meetings and review them before the next one. Follow through on your commitments, and hold your team members accountable for theirs.
Measuring Success
How do you know if your 1-on-1s are working? Look for these signs:
- Team members proactively bring up issues and ideas
- You’re learning about problems before they become crises
- Career conversations feel natural and ongoing
- Your team members seem more engaged and satisfied
- You’re building genuine relationships, not just professional ones
When Things Go Wrong
Not every 1-on-1 will be great. Some days, people will be tired, stressed, or just not in the mood to talk. That’s okay. The key is consistency and genuine care. Show up, be present, and keep trying.
If someone consistently seems disengaged, that’s valuable information. It might indicate a deeper issue that needs addressing, or it might mean you need to adjust your approach.
The Long Game
The benefits of great 1-on-1s compound over time. You’ll build trust, catch problems early, and create an environment where people feel safe to take risks and grow. Your team will be more resilient, more innovative, and more likely to stick around.
Remember, you’re not just managing projects—you’re managing people. And people need connection, understanding, and support to do their best work. Your 1-on-1s are where that happens.
What’s your experience with 1-on-1 meetings? What strategies have worked well for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and continue this conversation.